Written as an entry for #FWF, free write Friday, by Kellie Elmore.
We had drifted apart, really. Met too soon maybe? Well, we both had our minds on something we thought we had missed out on in life.
He never spoke, I never shut up. So with no answers, it was going nowhere. Maybe it was more than his mind that was busy, I kept thinking bad thoughts; perhaps that’s why silence was the better option for him. With me talking about anything and everything that wasn’t important, it helped me forget about my own problems.
I always loved his bum in those khaki trousers; he wore them that day he walked away from me. I’d never thought about it till then; as he stood at the side of the narrow road, his back towards me.
He had said in the car as I drove him out onto the Reality Road, “I have a plan.” In exactly the same way as he had said it soon after we met, he sounded the same, strong and masculine; what I loved about him. This was in answer to my question, “What will you do?”
“It is better this way, I owe you that much. It isn’t like you ever wanted to be with me, be honest. Not like you knew of me at all until I stood right in front of you, back then! It was all too quick and I had ‘the plan’ then. It’s better you forget me, and easier for me.”
“Where are you going, at least tell me that…”
It had been a week, he gave me one week for it to sink in. He spoke, I listened. He made the choices in the end, once he had spoken and spilled the beans, I couldn’t bring out a word. There was so much more to it than I ever could have imagined. So, it wasn’t another woman; it was far worse. Until then I couldn’t have imagined ‘far worse’; I was so besotted with my own silly issues, I was too blind to see.
His unshaven face brushed my cheek before he opened the car door, he smelt of nervous male perspiration; he hated being alone. This was so hard for him to do. But harder for me because I knew what he had done. He could see the vehicle coming from a long way off in the haze; he waited beside the road.
He didn’t look back as he thumbed his ride. He didn’t look at me as the truck picked up speed; tears streaming down my face; a hole in my chest like a chasm that could never be filled. Would I ever be normal again, never knowing….. Is there life after love?